Today I am enough. I feel honored by God‘s gift of Grace for another day to live clean and sober. I’m surrounded by beauty at all times because wherever I look, it’s right in front of me. Especially when I’m with my family, my loved ones and the friends I now have in my life that make me laugh at myself and at the world so it’s a better place to be in. Today I am enough. I didn’t want to have any kind of feelings about anything or anyone in this life. If someone tried to get me to talk about my feelings I’d make sure I’d be gone from them immediately. These days I don’t have to use drugs or alcohol to escape or numb myself from feeling any emotions or from trying to deal with other people’s feelings that seemed too dramatic and I couldn‘t understand why they had them. Today I am enough. I actually know what it means to exist not really living, but now my heart is full of feelings and emotions that I don’t put a name on them anymore. I’m grateful today that I can feel emotions in everyday life. In the past, I made plenty of unforgettable mistakes and hurt the people who have always loved me when I couldn’t love myself. Today I am enough. I’m accepting of the realities of my life and learning to live life on life’s terms. My past bipolar thinking and how negative I’d react to ordinary things when I was having an episode was feeding off my addictive nature. Most days seem so much simpler to deal with and find some kind of enjoyment. I came too close to giving up to the chaotic thoughts rambling around my mind just for the silence I’d finally get. I choose to find a way to live with my issues and still be happy about what life is offering to me because I should’ve died more than once. Today I am enough. Not knowing that I could learn to think, correctly or live with bipolar tendencies and knowing things are going to be okay. Those crazy thoughts still whisper in my ears, but I’ve been working on tuning out the static of conversations. I’m the one in my family that completely admits and owns up to my kind of crazy, which is acceptable these days and it works for me. I still struggle daily not to listen to my thinking because I can’t trust myself most of the time. That’s why I like trying new meetings and hearing different kinds of suggestions that my sponsor gives me to help me get through one of my struggles. Today I am enough. Sometimes I’ll remember a quote or just a little something I heard from a few days before at a meeting and it’s usually exactly what I need to hear. Best of all I’ve seen the love, trust and respect light up my two son’s eyes when we’re all together. Today I am enough.
Peace, Love & Music